We can't afford education.
We can't afford to manage our energy supply.
We can't afford the Arts.
We can't afford health care free at the point of need.
We can't afford training or skills for young people.
We can't afford the elderly.
We can't afford unions.
We can't afford "Green crap".
We certainly can't afford the sick or disabled.
We can't afford to help people who can't find a job - but that's OK, because we don't want to help people like them anyway.
We can't afford libraries.
We can't afford Health and Safety.
We can't afford soldiers' pensions, so we're sacking them weeks before they qualify.
We can't afford woodlands.
We can't afford Human Rights.
We can't afford food safety inspections and anyway, why shouldn't people eat slurry?
We can't afford the North, quite frankly, and why would we want to?
We certainly can't afford to invest in renewables, or to put any money into mitigating the effects of climate change, or to build resilience into our infrastructure - but that is absolutely fine because there's really no such thing as climate change, honest, and we must frack the hell out of the country because there's money to be made and once again we are promising energy too cheap to meter.
We must have permanent Austerity or else we'll become like Greece - and we wouldn't want to become like Greece, would we?
And then - Surrey floods! Berkshire floods! Some carpets in millionaires' riverside homes get spoiled! The Queen could see flood water from the battlements of Windsor Castle, were she not staying in one of her other homes at the moment.
And... guess what? "We are a wealthy country," says Cameron. "Money is no object."
Updated to add: apparently the unlimited cheque of our money that Cameron wrote yesterday to bail out some Tory safe seats is going to come out of "underspend" in government departments. In other words, from cuts to social security, health, education, defence...